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| So Elated
I am happy.. I LOVE JONATHAN COLES PADUA FLORES | | |
| Been almost a couple years since the last blog, looking back i started erasing some of them, and now have regretted it. It's sad to think I was EVER that sad with my life. But now, my life can't be more than SPECIAL and real. The reality is, after all the bull caca it all boils down on how you live your life, and for what reason. My reason is to serve God. Without him my life was in pieces full of insecurity and worries, but now I trust him with my life. I have been blessed. Blessed with someone that I can see myself with FOREVER.
I have never felt his way EVER before, and to tell you the truth, would never thought I could feel this way. Jonathan is the love of my LIFE. Love is something that is felt and expressed, otherwise how would you know if its Love. He gives me that, it's a state of being it's a place where someone takes you. Don't get me wrong, he has his faults, as he always says, "he's only human" but even the worse things about him, are the best things about him because I know he isn't perfect, but I know I can accept him for everything he is and for who ever he will be. True love is hard to come by, true love is something that is rare, and a diamond in a ruff... you know .... but this feeling I have inside of me, it's just indescribable. Words can't even express it.... LOVE HIM to my full capabilities with all of me and my being. I can only offer him that. My heart, which he has already captured with just being "HIM". | | |
| i feel soo lonely, im home by myself with no one here, im soo feeling alone .. i miss my brother and mom ... as far as what i did today? completely nothing, i thought that the one person that could help me get over being by myself could help .. but actually made things worse ... i feel like i just wanna collapse and just close my eyes so that i could just dream ... so that reality doesn't come to me ... because right now i'd give anything but to be me ... to feel the things inside... its the worse feeling .. the feeling of being alone .... im mad at myself ... because i feel like im taking it out on people that i shouldn't. that its not there problem or worries to make me happy ... its my own worries ... so i'll just curl up and try to sleep .. its early i know, but there's really nothing else for me to do at the moment... | | |
| i understand on how we have certain boundaries in life, like how much friendship means to a person. But in some cases, i know its hard to stay true to a friend and stay true to yourself. I have NOT been experiencing much drama lately, but sometimes i see how things are around me, i've let myself be the person to CARELESS with other people's problems and let them deal with their own, but when it comes into my territory, and has to deal with people i love and care for, it kinda gets me upset. if everyone would just be honest with one another! we can't help how we feel i understand, but don't try to lie and hide how you truly feel for the sake of hurting someone. It's like keeping things the way they are is impossible, at a point people grow and change attitudes towards each other and thats all part of life. Deal with it, and if for some reason your scared, just think, would you like to be treated this way??? just a thought that occurred to me reading everyone's entries and looking into my past because I HAVE BEEN THERE TOO MANY TIMES ... | | |
| took this from my homegirl kisa's website! ...
last cigarette: hah! when i was 15 in front of my old school kubasaki, with all the other wannabe smoker thinking im soo cool let's light up adolescent minds.
last kiss: last night *muah* thanks babe.
last good cry: last night i miss my brother and mommy
last library book checked out: asian cultures
last movie seen: charlies angels' full throtle (2 thumbs up!)
last book read: geezz... somewhere in time by joanne reyes, danielyn dacon, and december malgapo
last cuss word uttered: darn skippy!! hahaha
last beverage drank: water
last food consumed: anna's twinkie she graciously gave me!
last crush: justin timberlake (he's always my crush!)
last phone call: grace
last tv show watched: saved by the bell .. and it was my favorite episode when the gang went to the mall to buy U2 concert tickets, and they found $5,000 ... hahaha
last time showered: last night
last shoes worn: church shoes
last cd played: justified when i dropped off crystal this morning
last item bought: dog food for yukie
last downloaded: haha, umm ... for the longest time
last annoyance: boredom
last disappointment: my babe couldn't come see me
last soda drank: dr. pepper
last thing written: some thankyou letters at the office
last key used: house key
last word spoken: anna!!!
last sleep: this morning at 1am
last im: bryan! hahaha
last sexual fantasy: i had a wierd ass dream with p. diddy and that sara girl from making the band! hahaha... i think coz that was the last thing i watched last night!
last weird encounter: uumm... i don't even know, andi? just kidding! hehehe
last ice cream eaten: i had a boba slush?
last time amused: last night with the gforce girlies
last time wanting to die: hahaha
last time in love: presently am.
last time hugged: before my babe left
last time scolded: not lately ...before my mom left?
last time resentful: gosh ... hmm
last chair sat in: this comp. chair im sitting on right now
last lipstick used: winterfrost, last night
last underwear worn: victoria secret cotten bikini panties.. hahaha
last shirt worn: my v.s. night shirt
last time dancing: oh my goooddd!! in a looongg time! someone needs to take me out to get my groove on!!
last show attended: dude i haven't gone to a show in a while
last webpage visited: my xanga site
1 MINUTE AGO: filling out this survey
1 HOUR AGO: getting ready for the day
1 DAY AGO: cleaning my room
1 WEEK AGO: at work probably scanning and calling brokers
1 YEAR AGO: wow, talking to ed? .. hahaha.. when we first started to "get to know each other"
I HURT: all the time
I LOVE: gpd. family, and those in my heart
I HATE: being bored, traffic, and feeling lonely
I FEAR: being alone.
I HOPE: i will be with god.
I FEEL: bored
I HIDE: my letters.
I DRIVE: my car, red rs eclipse 99, and sometimes i sneak to drive my brother's car the beamer...!
I MISS: my friends from oki
I LEARNED: to just deal with everything that comes a long
I NEED: to save money
I THINK: i need to wake up anna now
current clothes: sdsu sweatshirt and jeans
current mood: just trying to find things to do
current music: officially missing you
current taste: toothpaste
current hair: up and "i don't care.." messy look
current annoyance: its cold in the morning and hot as heck in the afternoon!
current smell: baby cologne?
current thing: spendin' nights with the g-force
Current Poster: nothing
current refreshment: water
current worry: can anna sleep any longer?!?!? | | |
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